Journals5
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'Color Psychology'
1 min read
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...a 30 second test at colorquiz.com left me speechless...
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...a 30 second test at colorquiz.com left me speechless...
.
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eHarmony Profiles are insightful
1 min read
take a 30 minute interview/questionaire, and get insightful accurate analysis of ur personality
these r my results, and they r 95% accurate and well articulated. im inpressed. A+ for eHarmony. im not paying the 50$ to join the martchmaking service tho for a month. ill keep looking for her at frat partys and bars. thats my great plan ^^
www.eharmony.com/singles/servl…
these r my results, and they r 95% accurate and well articulated. im inpressed. A+ for eHarmony. im not paying the 50$ to join the martchmaking service tho for a month. ill keep looking for her at frat partys and bars. thats my great plan ^^
www.eharmony.com/singles/servl…
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thugs
1 min read
i love thugs.
i just got a phone call from a 7yr old friends baby daddy who found my number in her cell phone i guess. heres a summary:
caller: i gonna kill you motha fucka
me: uh... lol...ok. who is this?
caller: dis is randall bitch!
me: sabras baby daddy?
randy: yea. i hurd u be talkin to hur again? im gonna fuckin kill you
me: she invited me over to her dads house. what did she tell you?
randy (talking to sabra) so you invited him to ur place huh?
sabra (in the background) hes never even been to my dads house. chill out.
randy (to me) i told you, dont call her anymore
me: lol um... she called me, but im gonna go now. thanks for the call
*sigh* u cant get rid of thugs. thugs r like cockroaches with weapons. so i decided u just love them in all their criminal record holding, theiving, baby havin, drug selling, gun packin glory.
i love thugs
i just got a phone call from a 7yr old friends baby daddy who found my number in her cell phone i guess. heres a summary:
caller: i gonna kill you motha fucka
me: uh... lol...ok. who is this?
caller: dis is randall bitch!
me: sabras baby daddy?
randy: yea. i hurd u be talkin to hur again? im gonna fuckin kill you
me: she invited me over to her dads house. what did she tell you?
randy (talking to sabra) so you invited him to ur place huh?
sabra (in the background) hes never even been to my dads house. chill out.
randy (to me) i told you, dont call her anymore
me: lol um... she called me, but im gonna go now. thanks for the call
*sigh* u cant get rid of thugs. thugs r like cockroaches with weapons. so i decided u just love them in all their criminal record holding, theiving, baby havin, drug selling, gun packin glory.
i love thugs
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its long road ahead~first entry
6 min read
Dear Journal,
im gonna skip the intro here and get straight to the point. i was never good at sugar coating and attempting such will only lead to failure. surfing deviantart for the last 2 days has stirred soemthing inside me... the thing that causes happiness and pain. its been dead for over a year. affectivity would be accurate.
ive been talking with a guy named ken for the last 6 weeks about what happened with the last girlfriend. being a licensed marriage and family therapist gives him credibilty... and ive learned to accept that he has a "Biblical Counselling" degree. hes a good guy and i can tell he has good intentions so i just minimize his non-belief in evolution and the infrequent god comment.
[reflective pause]
ive been depressed for so long. i havent had a job in over a year. it wouldve been understandable if i werent alive today. sometimes im still not sure why i am. a close friend once said i "just have a high pain tolerance". im not sure about that. i gave up emotionally. that made it survivable. but now.... im starting to feel again... and it hurts like fuck. i know i can survive it tho. ive been to worst place possible and i made it my home. i hung curtains. .... looking up i see its gonna be a long hard lonely road to the surface.... i have to rebuild everything from scratch... worse, from indebtedness...
so thats where im standing at today.
whats next for me u ask?
im glad u asked, here a list:
step 1. get help for my horrible sleeping patterns. family is not possible. so ill have to rely on friends to help wake me up and take pills and not forget. cant take them past noon and they cause insomnia if taken too early so i have a small window. it sucks that its hard for me to ask for help in general. ill have to learn how to cause ill never make it alone
step 2. once my sleeping pattern is near a fuctional level, stability wise, ill need a job. since ive lost every job ive ever had from a bad memory/fatuige/punctuality, i am understandbly fearful. its gonna take hard work to become "dependable" and theres no way im gonna be able to do it perfect. this is were asking friends for help will come in again. im gonna need help with this too at first.
step 3. im gonna need enough money to get on my feet and buy insurance/medication/dr. appointments .... that might be more expensive that rent... /sigh it will be nice to not have to ask for as much help tho... and ill have a real social life... its been a long time since i bought myself something.
step 4. art school. ill need a to make a new portoflio and all the enrollment/finacial aid paperwork tends to take a bit of time (assuming ill get accepted to whereever i apply).
(note: if i cant afford tuition/costs, there a very good chance ill have to become a stripper or a call-boy... hopefully i will be able to cope tho)
step 5. before or during my art studies id like to work for the square-enix art team. or maybe i can find a developer for my own RPG (check scraps for a few concept sketches). i dont know much about how the game industry works. maybe ill stumble across someone that can give me good advice.
step 6. get a psychology or nueroscience degree...id like to make a large positive impact. id like to be 100% sure the world was better off with me in it. 2 problems id like to work on... both of which affected me personally: narcolepsy research and research on american parenting(or the lack of). how good would it feel to be directly invovled in keeping thousands of kids from experiencing what i experienced? when i die id like that to be the last thing i smile about. well that and my beautiful wife and family(assuming i find one eventually) which leads me to my next point
at some point along this journey thru life i wanna find a soul mate. not the princess and shining horse type of fairytale relationship... the type where i fall in love with her again every week. where i live for the small things like how she eats icecream or how cute her toes are. i dont want a 10 yr marriage that falls apart when it gets rough or boring. my family is full of those, so is america. ive never had a good marriage role model, so my relationships sucked at first. ive had alot of painful experiences but its getting better. unfortunately i have to learn the hard way, but itll be worth it when i can consider myself a "perfect boyfriend" to my standards... right now i think i would say im a good one give or take, depending on day. i still have my faults but at least im honest, i have a good heart, and girls think my hair is cute. i like being in love and being loved. being lonely sucks. i can survive it. but i dont like it. too bad my life is so screwed up right now. i think generally id be a better "catch" if everything was under control or easier. im gonna need a girl with a strong heart that sticks with me no matter what. being in love with me wont be an "everything goes perfect" fairytale
so, there it is.... thats my plan so far. of course its not gonna go the way i imagine. some parts r gonna be better. some worse. but after what ive been thru i know i can survive anything. especially if i have a girl that loves me... isnt it funny how sometimes a girls love can turn a clark kent into a superman and he can do anything he puts his mind too? i guess love really is the most powerful thing in the world.
~end journal entry #1~
im gonna skip the intro here and get straight to the point. i was never good at sugar coating and attempting such will only lead to failure. surfing deviantart for the last 2 days has stirred soemthing inside me... the thing that causes happiness and pain. its been dead for over a year. affectivity would be accurate.
ive been talking with a guy named ken for the last 6 weeks about what happened with the last girlfriend. being a licensed marriage and family therapist gives him credibilty... and ive learned to accept that he has a "Biblical Counselling" degree. hes a good guy and i can tell he has good intentions so i just minimize his non-belief in evolution and the infrequent god comment.
[reflective pause]
ive been depressed for so long. i havent had a job in over a year. it wouldve been understandable if i werent alive today. sometimes im still not sure why i am. a close friend once said i "just have a high pain tolerance". im not sure about that. i gave up emotionally. that made it survivable. but now.... im starting to feel again... and it hurts like fuck. i know i can survive it tho. ive been to worst place possible and i made it my home. i hung curtains. .... looking up i see its gonna be a long hard lonely road to the surface.... i have to rebuild everything from scratch... worse, from indebtedness...
so thats where im standing at today.
whats next for me u ask?
im glad u asked, here a list:
step 1. get help for my horrible sleeping patterns. family is not possible. so ill have to rely on friends to help wake me up and take pills and not forget. cant take them past noon and they cause insomnia if taken too early so i have a small window. it sucks that its hard for me to ask for help in general. ill have to learn how to cause ill never make it alone
step 2. once my sleeping pattern is near a fuctional level, stability wise, ill need a job. since ive lost every job ive ever had from a bad memory/fatuige/punctuality, i am understandbly fearful. its gonna take hard work to become "dependable" and theres no way im gonna be able to do it perfect. this is were asking friends for help will come in again. im gonna need help with this too at first.
step 3. im gonna need enough money to get on my feet and buy insurance/medication/dr. appointments .... that might be more expensive that rent... /sigh it will be nice to not have to ask for as much help tho... and ill have a real social life... its been a long time since i bought myself something.
step 4. art school. ill need a to make a new portoflio and all the enrollment/finacial aid paperwork tends to take a bit of time (assuming ill get accepted to whereever i apply).
(note: if i cant afford tuition/costs, there a very good chance ill have to become a stripper or a call-boy... hopefully i will be able to cope tho)
step 5. before or during my art studies id like to work for the square-enix art team. or maybe i can find a developer for my own RPG (check scraps for a few concept sketches). i dont know much about how the game industry works. maybe ill stumble across someone that can give me good advice.
step 6. get a psychology or nueroscience degree...id like to make a large positive impact. id like to be 100% sure the world was better off with me in it. 2 problems id like to work on... both of which affected me personally: narcolepsy research and research on american parenting(or the lack of). how good would it feel to be directly invovled in keeping thousands of kids from experiencing what i experienced? when i die id like that to be the last thing i smile about. well that and my beautiful wife and family(assuming i find one eventually) which leads me to my next point
at some point along this journey thru life i wanna find a soul mate. not the princess and shining horse type of fairytale relationship... the type where i fall in love with her again every week. where i live for the small things like how she eats icecream or how cute her toes are. i dont want a 10 yr marriage that falls apart when it gets rough or boring. my family is full of those, so is america. ive never had a good marriage role model, so my relationships sucked at first. ive had alot of painful experiences but its getting better. unfortunately i have to learn the hard way, but itll be worth it when i can consider myself a "perfect boyfriend" to my standards... right now i think i would say im a good one give or take, depending on day. i still have my faults but at least im honest, i have a good heart, and girls think my hair is cute. i like being in love and being loved. being lonely sucks. i can survive it. but i dont like it. too bad my life is so screwed up right now. i think generally id be a better "catch" if everything was under control or easier. im gonna need a girl with a strong heart that sticks with me no matter what. being in love with me wont be an "everything goes perfect" fairytale
so, there it is.... thats my plan so far. of course its not gonna go the way i imagine. some parts r gonna be better. some worse. but after what ive been thru i know i can survive anything. especially if i have a girl that loves me... isnt it funny how sometimes a girls love can turn a clark kent into a superman and he can do anything he puts his mind too? i guess love really is the most powerful thing in the world.
~end journal entry #1~
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damnit!! /anger
1 min read
DAMNIT!! omg that pisses me off.
i just wrote 90% of my first journal entry describing whats been happening in my life. it was adnormally well worded and made me very happy. but i accedently closed the wrong window and its gone now /cry. goddamnit!! i dont remember what i said or how i said it
i just wrote 90% of my first journal entry describing whats been happening in my life. it was adnormally well worded and made me very happy. but i accedently closed the wrong window and its gone now /cry. goddamnit!! i dont remember what i said or how i said it
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